Why don't we cocoon?
Well first of all, because the title creeps me out. Ha ha. To me, it doesn't say, "family time," "bonding," or anything like that. It says "confined," "restricted," and lastly, "suffocation."
If it's not in your personality or the personality of the family as a whole, I don't believe in it.
To enlighten those of you who have never heard this terminology, it basically means the family shuts themselves up in their home and restricts visitors so that they can bond. Many people love this method of bonding. I, however, despise it with every fiber of my being. I am not against it. It just does not fit the personality of my family. Not one family member, bio, adopted two years ago, or the ones adopted two months ago, enjoy the idea of being cooped up in the home for forced bonding time. I'm having a panic attack just thinking about it.
When we adopted Johnny and Lily two years ago, I will never forget our last day in China. We were on a bus and one of the wives made a statement to her husband. She said it was time to cocoon and they would not be attending church for the next two months.
God, who led you to your child...all your prayers that you put into the adoption of this child, and then you remove the house of God from the equation for two months!!
I don't get it.
Maybe it's because it's just not in the personality of me, my husband, or any of my children. We are all extroverts and love being around people. The more the merrier.
I gave birth to Josiah on a Monday. He and I both had complications and he was not released until Sunday. I had my husband bring church clothes to the hospital and I showered there. We went straight to church. We did not even stop by home.
Brianna was born on a Sunday night. Wednesday night I walked into church with her. Why? Because God gave me this child. I was not going to miss an opportunity to acknowledge to God that it was HIM who gave me my family.
When we are out, I keep my kiddos close. I'm right there with them. They are not sitting on other's laps. They are not mommy-shopping. They are learning our life...our family...and ALL aspects of being in our family. And God comes first...always.
Concerning not cocooning in other ways, I load up the kids and take them to the grocery store, to Target, we all go out to eat as a family. Sometimes we all load up and go for a drive, just to get out of the house. I understand if it's not in your personality and you LOVE the idea of going nowhere and reading a book or something.
But for me, staying home for even one week and going nowhere is a death sentence. Just strap me down on some railroad tracks, because that's how I'll feel by the end of the week.
I think what bothers me about the whole "cocooning" idea is that it is almost imposed in a die-hard way by the adoptive community. That if you don't do it, you're not REALLY bonding, and you're not thinking in the best interest of your children. That somehow, someway, you won't bond...EVER...because you didn't take this time to turn your home into a dungeon and play scrabble all day.
Cocooning just is not always right for every family.
End of story.
For me, it is "to each his own." If you feel like doing it, then do it. If it will drive you to the loony bin and your children will be climbing the walls, then DON'T do it. Don't let anyone, not adoptive parents, not an adoption book, not even your agency or social worker make your feel guilty because you like to live your life beyond the walls of your home.
What is amazing is that the two months that I've been home with my littles, living life, someone, somewhere else in this country has been cocooning that entire time. I'm sorry y'all, but no thank you.
As for today, I'm staying home with my children (gasp!!). But tomorrow, I'm going to church.
And then Monday, I WILL leave my house...and probably Tuesday TOO!!! Oh no!!! Call the cocooning police!!!
Yes, I will go places with my children this week. And we will bond. And we will all be fine.