Saturday, April 12, 2014

Why We Don't "Cocoon"

Why don't we cocoon? 

Well first of all, because the title creeps me out. Ha ha. To me, it doesn't say, "family time," "bonding," or anything like that. It says "confined," "restricted," and lastly, "suffocation."  
If it's not in your personality or the personality of the family as a whole, I don't believe in it. 


To enlighten those of you who have never heard this terminology, it basically means the family shuts themselves up in their home and restricts visitors so that they can bond. Many people love this method of bonding. I, however, despise it with every fiber of my being. I am not against it. It just does not fit the personality of my family. Not one family member, bio, adopted two years ago, or the ones adopted two months ago, enjoy the idea of being cooped up in the home for forced bonding time. I'm having a panic attack just thinking about it. 

When we adopted Johnny and Lily two years ago, I will never forget our last day in China. We were on a bus and one of the wives made a statement to her husband. She said it was time to cocoon and they would not be attending church for the next two months. 



God, who led you to your child...all your prayers that you put into the adoption of this child, and then you remove the house of God from the equation for two months!! 

To bond.

I don't get it. 

Maybe it's because it's just not in the personality of me, my husband, or any of my children. We are all extroverts and love being around people. The more the merrier. 

I gave birth to Josiah on a Monday. He and I both had complications and he was not released until Sunday. I had my husband bring church clothes to the hospital and I showered there. We went straight to church. We did not even stop by home. 

Brianna was born on a Sunday night. Wednesday night I walked into church with her. Why? Because God gave me this child. I was not going to miss an opportunity to acknowledge to God that it was HIM who gave me my family. 

When we are out, I keep my kiddos close. I'm right there with them. They are not sitting on other's laps. They are not mommy-shopping. They are learning our life...our family...and ALL aspects of being in our family. And God comes first...always. 

Concerning not cocooning in other ways, I load up the kids and take them to the grocery store, to Target, we all go out to eat as a family. Sometimes we all load up and go for a drive, just to get out of the house. I understand if it's not in your personality and you LOVE the idea of going nowhere and reading a book or something.  
But for me, staying home for even one week and going nowhere is a death sentence. Just strap me down on some railroad tracks, because that's how I'll feel by the end of the week. 

I think what bothers me about the whole "cocooning" idea is that it is almost imposed in a die-hard way by the adoptive community. That if you don't do it, you're not REALLY bonding, and you're not thinking in the best interest of your children. That somehow, someway, you won't bond...EVER...because you didn't take this time to turn your home into a dungeon and play scrabble all day.

I disagree. 

Cocooning just is not always right for every family. 

End of story. 

For me, it is "to each his own." If you feel like doing it, then do it. If it will drive you to the loony bin and your children will be climbing the walls, then DON'T do it. Don't let anyone, not adoptive parents, not an adoption book, not even your agency or social worker make your feel guilty because you like to live your life beyond the walls of your home. 

What is amazing is that the two months that I've been home with my littles, living life, someone, somewhere else in this country has been cocooning that entire time. I'm sorry y'all, but no thank you. 

As for today, I'm staying home with my children (gasp!!). But tomorrow, I'm going to church. 

And then Monday, I WILL leave my house...and probably Tuesday TOO!!! Oh no!!! Call the cocooning police!!!

Yes, I will go places with my children this week. And we will bond. And we will all be fine. 

Friday, April 4, 2014

1 Month+ Update

I think I've been home 5 weeks now??? I don't know. What month is this?? Who am I??? Ha ha. 

I literally have NO time to post any more. Not a minute to spare. It will get better, but when I tell you my life of the past two weeks, you will understand.

I have been up to my eyeballs in medical appointments, dentist appointments, follow up medical appointments, teacher conferences, etc. The list goes on. It has just began to slow down.

One of the things that happens when you adopt an older child with an unknown past is all the holes you have to fill in medically speaking. They need immunizations updated, blood draws, xrays. Everything.

One of the things we had done is a bone scan of Roman to give us a better understanding of his age. The dentist was the first to weigh in on Roman's age. He said absolutely no way is he 8. He said it was more like 6. Then the doctor evaluated him and said all his height/weight, etc. pointed towards 5. Yikes. Then we had a bone scan done and it was confirmed that he is most likely 6. 

Roman was found as an older child so they guessed his age. I don't blame anyone...but...I thought I was twinning Johnny, not Lily!! You might say, what's the big deal? The big deal is I was already sort of twinning Lily with London. So that basically means I just created triplets!!! So, yes, that is why I haven't posted much...I am over-run by high-energy, crazy, type A, non-stop talking TRIPLETS!!! When my husband found out Roman is most likely 6, he told me that when London turns 6 their ages will be 666 and that it kind of fits them right now. HA!!! True, so true.

I have been taking more pictures with my phone than my camera lately, it seems. I feel like such a slacker when it comes to my photography class right now. Here are some blurry phone pics:

Roman and Lily, the human tornadoes, having fun at our pathetic, poor excuse for a mall. 

Roman's first day of school. He wanted to go so bad, so I reluctantly put him in. He's in first grade and most likely will be in first grade again next year, due to his age. We have no idea what we're doing!! Just flying by the seat of my pants here people!!  The school has been so supportive and are working with him at his abilities in math, etc. 

Medical appointment here in the states. I have no idea why London was hiding her hand in the picture. Roman was not his happy self here. He actually had a full-on melt-down when the doctor came in. He was abandoned at a medical facility and he remembers it well, so he had massive anxiety the moment we walked in. Then when I was talking to the doctor she began asking questions about his medical history. I began telling her what I knew, and like a moron, I began to tear up, which made Roman's anxiety worse. I pulled it together and we got through it, but these are some of the moments that adoptive families are talking about when they just give you a blanket statement and say, "The first few months are hard." Yep, it's because even medical appointments are traumatic. For everyone.

And here is a hilarious picture of Johnny. Picture it, a Sunday morning, dressed for church, and my son, who is prone to bloody noses, gets a bloody nose that won't quit. I will spare all the disgusting details, but he had a cough, so the pressure just made the blood keep coming. So we headed to the ER, all dressed up, and this is what insurance covered: a glorified clothes pin. His nose is so small, it kept falling off. I couldn't quit laughing. The doctors sprayed something up his nose, talked about coderizing it sometime in the near future (gross) and sent us on our way. 

And last but not least, this is a Roman burrito. The boy entertains himself. He is a party all by himself and everyone is invited to the party. The boy is either going to be in the entertainment industry or he's going to be a preacher. He loves church, loves to worship, but he also acts like he's in a Saturday Night Live skit 24/7. 

A quick horrible Roman story: 

I asked his teacher last week how he was doing in school and she hesitated and asked me, "Well, in what area?" I replied, "Well, any area, but I can tell by your voice there's something." She said he's having an issue in the restroom. The restroom??? Really?? Do tell. Well, I guess Roman was doing the thing that Lily did when she first came home. She would drop her drawers the moment she needed to go to the bathroom and THEN head into the RR. And afterwards, she would shuffle her way out the door with her pants still around her ankles. Well, I guess Roman was doing it at school. When he found out the other kids thought it was hilarious, he began to entertain them by turning around and mooning them, shaking his naked hiney at them. The more they laughed, the more it egged him on. I feel so sorry for teachers everywhere. Seriously.

So, that has been my life in a nutshell from the past two 8 year old is really 6, and he's stripping in the restroom at school, my other son had a 4 hour bloody nose, and there are too many other stories to tell. As of right now, I need to go intervene on Roman and Lily trying to pull one of London's teeth without her consent...and it's not loose.