Why We Don't "Cocoon"

Why don't we cocoon? 

Well first of all, because the title creeps me out. Ha ha. To me, it doesn't say, "family time," "bonding," or anything like that. It says "confined," "restricted," and lastly, "suffocation."  

If it's not in your personality or the personality of the family as a whole, I don't believe in it. 

Period.

To enlighten those of you who have never heard this terminology, it basically means the family shuts themselves up in their home and restricts visitors so that they can bond. Many people love this method of bonding. I, however, despise it with every fiber of my being. I am not against it. It just does not fit the personality of my family. Not one family member, bio, adopted two years ago, or the ones adopted two months ago, enjoy the idea of being cooped up in the home for forced bonding time. I'm having a panic attack just thinking about it. 

When we adopted Johnny and Lily two years ago, I will never forget our last day in China. We were on a bus and one of the wives made a statement to her husband. She said it was time to cocoon and they would not be attending church for the next two months. 

Really???

Really?????????

God, who led you to your child...all your prayers that you put into the adoption of this child, and then you remove the house of God from the equation for two months!! 

To bond.

I don't get it. 

Maybe it's because it's just not in the personality of me, my husband, or any of my children. We are all extroverts and love being around people. The more the merrier. 

I gave birth to Josiah on a Monday. He and I both had complications and he was not released until Sunday. I had my husband bring church clothes to the hospital and I showered there. We went straight to church. We did not even stop by home. 

Brianna was born on a Sunday night. Wednesday night I walked into church with her. Why? Because God gave me this child. I was not going to miss an opportunity to acknowledge to God that it was HIM who gave me my family. 

When we are out, I keep my kiddos close. I'm right there with them. They are not sitting on other's laps. They are not mommy-shopping. They are learning our life...our family...and ALL aspects of being in our family. And God comes first...always. 

Concerning not cocooning in other ways, I load up the kids and take them to the grocery store, to Target, we all go out to eat as a family. Sometimes we all load up and go for a drive, just to get out of the house. I understand if it's not in your personality and you LOVE the idea of going nowhere and reading a book or something.  

But for me, staying home for even one week and going nowhere is a death sentence. Just strap me down on some railroad tracks, because that's how I'll feel by the end of the week. 

I think what bothers me about the whole "cocooning" idea is that it is almost imposed in a die-hard way by the adoptive community. That if you don't do it, you're not REALLY bonding, and you're not thinking in the best interest of your children. That somehow, someway, you won't bond...EVER...because you didn't take this time to turn your home into a dungeon and play scrabble all day.

I disagree. 

Cocooning just is not always right for every family. 

End of story. 

For me, it is "to each his own." If you feel like doing it, then do it. If it will drive you to the loony bin and your children will be climbing the walls, then DON'T do it. Don't let anyone, not adoptive parents, not an adoption book, not even your agency or social worker make your feel guilty because you like to live your life beyond the walls of your home. 

What is amazing is that the two months that I've been home with my littles, living life, someone, somewhere else in this country has been cocooning that entire time. I'm sorry y'all, but no thank you. 

As for today, I'm staying home with my children (gasp!!). But tomorrow, I'm going to church. 

And then Monday, I WILL leave my house...and probably Tuesday TOO!!! Oh no!!! Call the cocooning police!!!

Yes, I will go places with my children this week. And we will bond. And we will all be fine. 

1 Month+ Update

I think I've been home 5 weeks now??? I don't know. What month is this?? Who am I??? Ha ha. 

I literally have NO time to post any more. Not a minute to spare. It will get better, but when I tell you my life of the past two weeks, you will understand.

I have been up to my eyeballs in medical appointments, dentist appointments, follow up medical appointments, teacher conferences, etc. The list goes on. It has just began to slow down.

One of the things that happens when you adopt an older child with an unknown past is all the holes you have to fill in medically speaking. They need immunizations updated, blood draws, xrays. Everything.

One of the things we had done is a bone scan of Roman to give us a better understanding of his age. The dentist was the first to weigh in on Roman's age. He said absolutely no way is he 8. He said it was more like 6. Then the doctor evaluated him and said all his height/weight, etc. pointed towards 5. Yikes. Then we had a bone scan done and it was confirmed that he is most likely 6. 

Roman was found as an older child so they guessed his age. I don't blame anyone...but...I thought I was twinning Johnny, not Lily!! You might say, what's the big deal? The big deal is I was already sort of twinning Lily with London. So that basically means I just created triplets!!! So, yes, that is why I haven't posted much...I am over-run by high-energy, crazy, type A, non-stop talking TRIPLETS!!! When my husband found out Roman is most likely 6, he told me that when London turns 6 their ages will be 666 and that it kind of fits them right now. HA!!! True, so true.

I have been taking more pictures with my phone than my camera lately, it seems. I feel like such a slacker when it comes to my photography class right now. Here are some blurry phone pics:

Roman and Lily, the human tornadoes, having fun at our pathetic, poor excuse for a mall. 

Roman's first day of school. He wanted to go so bad, so I reluctantly put him in. He's in first grade and most likely will be in first grade again next year, due to his age. We have no idea what we're doing!! Just flying by the seat of my pants here people!!  The school has been so supportive and are working with him at his abilities in math, etc. 

Medical appointment here in the states. I have no idea why London was hiding her hand in the picture. Roman was not his happy self here. He actually had a full-on melt-down when the doctor came in. He was abandoned at a medical facility and he remembers it well, so he had massive anxiety the moment we walked in. Then when I was talking to the doctor she began asking questions about his medical history. I began telling her what I knew, and like a moron, I began to tear up, which made Roman's anxiety worse. I pulled it together and we got through it, but these are some of the moments that adoptive families are talking about when they just give you a blanket statement and say, "The first few months are hard." Yep, it's because even medical appointments are traumatic. For everyone.

And here is a hilarious picture of Johnny. Picture it, a Sunday morning, dressed for church, and my son, who is prone to bloody noses, gets a bloody nose that won't quit. I will spare all the disgusting details, but he had a cough, so the pressure just made the blood keep coming. So we headed to the ER, all dressed up, and this is what insurance covered: a glorified clothes pin. His nose is so small, it kept falling off. I couldn't quit laughing. The doctors sprayed something up his nose, talked about coderizing it sometime in the near future (gross) and sent us on our way. 

And last but not least, this is a Roman burrito. The boy entertains himself. He is a party all by himself and everyone is invited to the party. The boy is either going to be in the entertainment industry or he's going to be a preacher. He loves church, loves to worship, but he also acts like he's in a Saturday Night Live skit 24/7. 

A quick horrible Roman story: 

I asked his teacher last week how he was doing in school and she hesitated and asked me, "Well, in what area?" I replied, "Well, any area, but I can tell by your voice there's something." She said he's having an issue in the restroom. The restroom??? Really?? Do tell. Well, I guess Roman was doing the thing that Lily did when she first came home. She would drop her drawers the moment she needed to go to the bathroom and THEN head into the RR. And afterwards, she would shuffle her way out the door with her pants still around her ankles. Well, I guess Roman was doing it at school. When he found out the other kids thought it was hilarious, he began to entertain them by turning around and mooning them, shaking his naked hiney at them. The more they laughed, the more it egged him on. I feel so sorry for teachers everywhere. Seriously.

So, that has been my life in a nutshell from the past two weeks...my 8 year old is really 6, and he's stripping in the restroom at school, my other son had a 4 hour bloody nose, and there are too many other stories to tell. As of right now, I need to go intervene on Roman and Lily trying to pull one of London's teeth without her consent...and it's not loose.  

Two Weeks Home!!

I must say, it feels like I've been home for months. I keep pulling out my calendar and counting the days home...nope, two weeks. The progress that's been made is mind boggling and I know it's only God. Roman and London still need to pick up some more English. Something we're dealing with is the two of them jabbering in Mandarin all day long, so there's no real pressure to speak our language.

That is about to change though. 

Roman will start school on Monday. This was not my plan or my intention, but this little man wants to go to school SOOOO bad!! It is spring break here and he's irritated that he gets to wake up everyday and play!! Hello!!! I've had to count down the days for him until school just to give him hope that it will actually happen. 

So what have we been doing?

Well, other than breaking up the trouble makers (Roman and Lily Anna), we are just being a family!

Want to hear some Lily stories?

Well, she decided, along with Roman, to eliminate the need for drinking water AFTER you eat Doritos, and combined the two in a huge tupperware container. Yes, dumped her water into the whole container. Guess what she had to eat? Yep, I made her enjoy her snack. Brianna doesn't call me Military Mama for nothing. ;)

Then she decided to throw her yogurt drinks away...upside down. As in, she tipped them upside down and walked them to the garbage can leaving a trail of dripping yogurt behind her and running down her hands. She's not three y'all...the girl is 6. 

But the mother of all her dirty deeds was about a week ago. Things were quiet...too quiet. I knew Lily had gone to the bathroom, but this was taking WAY too long, so I went to locate the little rebel when I came upon the bathroom door shut and locked. My littles have an understanding that they are NEVER to lock the door. So I told her to unlock it and let me in. I heard the sink water running so I figured she was having fun washing her hands...I wish. 

She opened the door and had her hands behind her back. I told her to hold her hands out...there in her hands was Roman's Ipod. She was washing his Ipod off in the sink. After I woke up from passing out, I called my hubby in to take a look at it. It was fine and still worked but, man, has this little lady been in trouble lately! 

Someone asked me recently if she is acting out because of the new little ones home. No, really she's not. She has just teamed up with the male version of herself...Roman. And it makes sense to her to clean off a dirty Ipod. And why not mix water and Doritos? Well, why not? 

Because it's gross, that's why.

But who am I? My brother, sister, and I mixed peanut butter and milk together in a cup and decided to eat it one night when we were young. I think one of us might have thrown up.

I am also catching up on my photography assignments I missed while gone. I have a supper cute one of London from when we were at the Garden Hotel in China. 

She usually turns away from the camera, so when she struck this pose I snapped away!!

I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can get outside and get some pictures of my whole crew!!

Pics Of London's Gotcha

So the post-placement visit wasn't horrid.

I survived. 

So here are some pics from London's Gotcha Day.

We were to meet on a Monday, but they upped the Gotcha so we met on Sunday afternoon. We walked in the building and were waiting for the elevator when I saw someone come into the building through the front doors. I knew it was her so I bent down to meet her and this is the picture that was taken.

We rode up the elevator together...all of us crammed in there and London kept hiding from me. Upstairs was the "official" meeting room. I knew I had about 1/2 hour of paperwork in front of me, so I didn't force anything right away with her. 

She let me take a few pics with her. 

The two ladies in the pic with myself and my Mother were the director of the orphanage and one of the nannies. London was closely attached to both of them, as they were to her as well. It is a very small orphanage, so they were in tears as she left. My heart broke for all of them. 

She was one sad little girl when we left. Her cry was so quiet. All though she was crying with all her might...it was just silent...just a helpless cry. Broke my heart. One day later though, she was a changed little girl. I don't know what it is...I can't wrap my mind around it, but the next day, she would have NOTHING to do with the director or nanny. She was loved, she knew I loved her, and she committed her heart to me. I am still amazed at the strength of these little ones. They've been through so much...there should be NO reason for them to take a chance on trusting an adult ever again, and yet they do.

Chilling out with big brother after an emotional afternoon. Roman was so sweet to her. The guide translated something he said to his new little sister. He told her, "It will be ok. She's a nice Mama."

More pics to come. I'm getting there...slowly!! 

Not A Moment To Spare

Y'all, jet-lag is kicking my hiney. I can't believe it. And it's not getting any better due to the new littles in our home. Just this morning, Roman woke up an hour earlier than our usual time, so did I have mercy and get up to entertain him? Nope, I made him go back to bed. Literally two minutes later he was asleep, and there I was, wide awake. Cruel, cruel, cruel. I wanted to wake everyone else up in the house, just so we could ALL be on my sleep-deprived schedule. 

So, here are some more promised pictures:

 My little entertainer. Will these pictures come back to haunt him someday, like say...his graduation? Probably.

 Answering his fan mail, tee hee. 

This is the stairway in our hotel in Roman's province. This is the same hotel we stayed at for Johnny's adoption as well. Indescribable feeling being back here two years later.

I am up to my eyeballs in doctor's appointments, dentist visits, and today is our first post-placement visit, which I totally disagree with. This is one of China's new rules, not the agencies. When I am jet-lagged and feel like death, please don't visit me...just call. But no, we are to tell friends and family to stay away during our bonding time, but heck, let's invite a complete stranger into our home to distract us for four hours while someone else has to watch our new kiddos so we can tell this stranger how we're doing. You know how I'm doing? I was fine until you showed up on my doorstep, ms. social worker. I know, I know, you're just doing your job...but please let me do my Mom-job, so GO AWAY!!

I'm probably just a tad bitter because I was informed upon landing that I have a new social worker...the one I had for two years is all of a sudden gone. This EXACT same scenario happened two years ago with Johnny and Lily's adoption. We landed and had to scramble to find a new social worker...a stranger, to come into our home and ask us how we were doing. Please, for the love of everything holy, can someone who has some pull try to get them to eliminate the 1 month post-placement visit??? Please, for our sanity...just CALL us! (Btw, I haven't even received THAT from my agency). Ok, off my soapbox.