There is a reason I didn't post much after coming home...I didn't want to.
Yes, I was busy, and yes I was so tired from no sleep...but I was also in "fake-it-til-you-make-it" mode. Everyday there has been progress made. Little things like figuring out what they like to eat, Lily Anna warming up to everyone else, the kiddos playing so I can get a shower. The huge one has been Johnny and Lily Anna sleeping with Brianna. I can't describe how nice that has been.
Then my hubby put his hero cape on and cleared out a room in the basement and turned it into a playroom for the kids. It was so nice to go downstairs as a family...my hubby and I sat and talked while the kids played.
So everyday there's been baby-steps made. One week ago, I was in Brianna's bed with the kids, Lily Anna would only go to me and I couldn't leave the room without a meltdown, I couldn't even get a shower.
Here's what gets me; something I really wonder about: I hear about adoptive Moms all the time who let their lives be radically effected like this and it goes on for six or more months...they don't get showers, they quit wearing make-up, they nix their entire social life and just stay at home. I just can NOT do that. I was about 5 days home and I felt like a troll and that's when the water-works started for me. How can people effectively parent their children when they aren't even taking care of themselves? And I know some people like staying at home, (and don't wear make-up anyway) but that is just not me.
Another thing that got to me, and I didn't think it would happen, is the "my bio children look older" thing. I went through this after I had Brianna. I came home with her and Josiah just seemed bigger to me, and I missed him being a baby. Well, I went through it again this week. We came home and started watching "Franklin" and "Little Bear" with Johnny and Lily Anna...the exact same shows I watched eight years ago with Josiah and Brianna. And now Josiah has a deep voice, and he plays X-box...and he's not four. And I cried. And Brianna isn't two. And I cried.
But we have progress. And I'm looking forward to the progress we make this week...and I'm looking forward to that shower! Thank God Almighty that I can now get a shower everyday again!!!!
We still covet your prayers; it will take some time to find our new norm. I would love to see progress this week with some English words from them. Just a few would be nice!!!