The Bigger Picture

Last night my family went to a fall party with hay rides, etc at our church. It was a ton of fun and I REALLY enjoyed myself, more than in previous years, for the mere fact that I stayed in doors almost the entire time...and I talked adoption...the entire time. I just freeze to death in anything under 72 degrees. Ok, I'm off topic...anyway, something in one of my adoption conversations hit me like a ton of bricks. We were discussing the adoption tax credit and how so many people NEED it, truly NEED it. And I was in the middle of speaking when I realized what I said...I DON'T need it...others do. Then I realized, maybe that's why I don't have my LOA yet. Is it possible there are a few others who desperately need that refund right away, and God is putting them ahead of me in line so they will be able to pay their bills, or maybe even be able to adopt again because of the refund?

 All of a sudden, I felt so selfish for begging God to get me to China by the end of the year. Do I still want to go in December? Yes, but not because of the money. I never even knew about the tax refund when I began the adoption process, and it won't effect us adopting again. If five or ten more families can adopt again because of this refund, by all means, they can go before me, I'll just travel in January, NO BIGGIE!! I never want to stand before God some day, and Him show me how I pouted while someone else received their LOA and they needed it more than me at the time. Believe me, I'm not trying to be Mother Teresa here, I'm just opening myself up to the possibility that there might be a bigger picture here. Adoption was never about me anyway. Refund or no refund, I have two adorable kiddos at the top of this page that WILL BE added to my family soon; they might just be joining us a little later than I had anticipated!